I don't need to follow through with anything, anybody, or any event whatsoever. I am okay to be left alone to my own devices. There is a cost though. I lose the muscle of the brain which allows me to keep going through adversity, but in exchange I become freer. But freedom almost always carries more responsibility only if you were less free than before. Being knowledgeable and knowing is best, at least that's what I think.
I don't need to follow through with anything. I have a few assignments that I need to do, and a team that I missed the meeting to today, but I'm free. And once I come back into the flow of things, I will be judged ever-so-slightly differently every time I commit any minor or major infraction in these areas. I can say I don't care, but these are people that I will see. And they probably don't think twice about my existance like I'm doing right now. I would like to care about others, but it won't matter until I care about myself. I clearly have unmet needs, like fine shyt, or me distancing myself away from my friends. But it doesn't need to be this way.
Like, today, I talked to a guy that I met at the gym yesterday, and we hit it off just a bit. I could tell we were alike in our way of trying to talk to each other, one-upping eachother in various humourous ways. And there was another instance where this guy kept glancing at the back of the bus where I was sitting, and after 3 glances, I straight up went up to him and was like "Hey, do I know you?" A trick that always works like a charm.
Like I said, I distanced myself away from these people, and I have no inherent reason why I did so, except for the fact that they are friends with ex-huzz, and that they are manipulative as shit. Well, not manipulative, just pushy sometimes. These people need to be punished. Well, not punished, just distanced away from for an indefinite period of time. I play dumb, but they probably think that I am not emotionally intelligent and can read the room. I don't read rooms, I read stages of audiences.
I want to cry so badly for ex-huzz, but now my crying feels vain. It's almost as if I understand what had happened. I want to cry for everybody, but it's hard for me to shed new tears. I just want to break down, but I don't have the right circumstances to break down, at least that's what I feel. I'm not obligated to any emotion, any person, any situation, or any place. I am not obligated, I am what I am. I don't want to stay stagnant, but I want this life that I have to grow as beautiful as a cherry blossom, then let it go. How? In however way is appropriate as it led up to that point.
Creativity is just an outward expression of meticulous thoughts.
I hate everyone, and I kinda wish I didn't. I hate those that disempower me and talk me out of things, emasculating me to my core, even if it's not my masculine that's being emasculated. And I especially hate those that try to lead me into their ploys just to "help" me. Everything has an alterior motive, and I'm all for it: Just let me figure things out first before I even consider your existence. In fact, your existence is already burdensome in my air. No strike-through. I don't take that back.
Fuck you, sincerely.
But it's very empowering to have opps, if I didn't have any, then I would not learn these wisdoms. I was always on my side. All these justifications to protect me, all these actions to soothe me. That kinda saddens me that I relax myself because I feel that inherently. This is the way.
Thus Spoke Me.